so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
