id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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