Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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