I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
