I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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