it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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