He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
