Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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