Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize