That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
