Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
