I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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