You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
