There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
