If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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