I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
