Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
