I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
