you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
MIDGETS
????
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
