His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
