Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
