I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
