Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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