Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
