We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
