You can't special order awesome
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
