Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
