You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
