I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
