Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I deserve this hangover.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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