Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
