also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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