Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
