I love having hate sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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