The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
