I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
