Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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