His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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