I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i came on her dog
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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