North Korea, Best Korea!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
