happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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