His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
