Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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