There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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