I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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