So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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