If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
