All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
