oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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