at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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