i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
