Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
