i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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