It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My pussy is not your playground.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They took my balls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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