new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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