My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
