lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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