I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck