I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.