You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties