I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."