This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize