Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

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(403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me http://tfl.nu/3lvx

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(415): View more from California

I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

(512): View more from Texas

Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

(415): View more from California

Watch for tornadoes.

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(415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds

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(508): your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds http://tfl.nu/5eyd

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'

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(303): i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris' http://tfl.nu/lstf

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(740): View more from Ohio

Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?

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(740): Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/5skf

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

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(202): Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again. http://tfl.nu/k4e9

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(817): View more from Texas

he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...

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(817): he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet... http://tfl.nu/na2h

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(313): View more from Michigan

Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.

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(313): Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes. http://tfl.nu/gyak

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(937): View more from Ohio

The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.

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(937): The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull. http://tfl.nu/s2w2

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.

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(502): Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt. http://tfl.nu/f1ui

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(760): View more from California

Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes

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(760): Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes http://tfl.nu/0u4w

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(330): View more from Ohio

He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

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(330): He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me. http://tfl.nu/bsc2

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(732): View more from New Jersey

got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance

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(732): got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance http://tfl.nu/oovm

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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(731): Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels... http://tfl.nu/6gyu

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(951): View more from California

I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.

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(951): I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays. http://tfl.nu/owjt

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