I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.