in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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