Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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