someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
