My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
