they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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