i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think people are normalizing furries
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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