If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
