I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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