It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
