just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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