my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
