I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize