Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
